Raising Brave Kids in Uncertain Times: Small Acts of Courage for Parents
It’s a particularly disorienting experience to be parenting right now. So many of us tucking our children into bed against the backdrop of any number of “unprecedented” unsettling headlines (What I wouldn’t give for a precedented day of news right now). We read about rights being stripped away, communities under attack, and parts of our federal government being dismantled (just to name a few). It can feel impossible to hold both truths at once—that the world feels heavy and frightening, and that we want our children to feel safe, loved, and hopeful.
So how do we do it? How do we parent in times like these—when our futures, and the futures of our children and neighbors are uncertain, and when we ourselves are struggling to stay grounded?
The truth is, I don’t know. I don’t know how to be so aware of being smack dab in the middle of a collective trauma unlike anything many of us have ever seen, all the while longing to be present for the precious fleeting moments of our children’s childhoods. What I do know, is that the answer isn’t to turn away (at least not for good). I firmly believe that turning away gets us out of integrity with ourselves and our inner knowing, and can actually add to the dysregulation. It’s like we’re gaslighting our intuition. And just like we try to avoid doing that to our kiddos by telling them you’re fine when you’re clearly not, I think we also need to avoid doing that to our inner knowing. For me, what this looks like is carving our small periods of time where I let myself feel. I bring to mind (and heart and soul) the mamas who are not able to be with their children for any number of reasons, or beautiful Mother Earth who is trying to tell us that she is not okay. And then, I allow the tears to flow, or the rage to fill up my body. Feeling it is what keeps me connected to my humanity, and to the dignity of other human beings. It’s also the very thing that moves me to keep taking action. To me, this is what courage looks like right now. To be willing to feel what can seem unbearable to feel. And then to allow the grief, the rage, the anguish, to move me.
After the wave of emotion passes (I PROMISE it does), then I can explore what action I want to take - acts of resistance, acts of love, acts of parenting. In the spirit of helping you explore possible ways you can also take action, below I’m sharing some of the ways I have been taking action recently:
1. Find and Support Local Mutual Aid
One of the most powerful lessons kids can learn is that we take care of each other, not just ourselves. Seek out a mutual aid network in your community—or start a simple one on your block. Involve your kids in packing food boxes, donating clothes, or dropping off supplies. Show them that solidarity is a way of life. When the student protests in support of a Free Palestine were happening last year, we checked out the organization’s page of wanted supplies, swung by the store to pick a few things up, and headed down to campus to drop them off. The beautiful thing then happened, whereby the student protestors fed us a meal, and taught the kiddos more about what they were doing there.
For Denver-based folks, Mutual Aid Mondays are a great place to start.
2. Read Books That Explore these Topics
The stories we share shape how our children see the world. Fill your home with books that center diverse voices, question injustice, and celebrate difference. Read them together, and let your kids’ questions guide the conversation.
A few of the favorites in our household:
Something Happened in our Town
Kamala and Maya’s Big Idea (Spoiler alert: their big idea is that “no one can do everything, but everyone can do something.”:)
No Es Justo (bilingual)
For slightly older kiddos, my 9 year old and I are reading the Front Desk Series by Kelly Yang, and they have been INCREDIBLE for starting coversations around racism, and immigration.
3. Have Age-Appropriate Conversations About What’s Happening
The truth is, our kids are already noticing the world. Pretending otherwise doesn’t protect them—in fact, it can cause excess worry, and can make them feel alone in their worries. I absolutely believe that we can find age-appropriate ways to talk to our kiddos about just about any topic.
With young children, use simple truths (“Some people aren’t being treated fairly. We believe everyone deserves love and care.”).
With older kids, explore current events together. Ask them what they think, what questions they have, and how they imagine a better world.
The goal isn’t to give them all the answers, but to model curiosity, compassion, and critical thinking. For a couple really helpful resources, checkout little folks or mamas matter here (she has an EXCELLENT resource for how to talk to kiddos about injustice).
4. Find Joy as Resistance
In times of despair, joy becomes a radical act. Sing, dance, play, tell jokes, bake cookies, go on hikes. These moments are not distractions—they are reminders that life is still worth savoring. We have to experience these moments to remind us what we are fighting FOR. Let your children see that joy and struggle can coexist. And importantly, our kiddos know this intuitively. How do I know? A week or two ago, I was lying with my 9 year old daughter before bed talking about many of the systemic injustices happening in this country. We have many conversations about current events and why it’s important to be educating ourselves and taking action. She said something so moving to me tonight. She said, “mama, we should probably also try and find the joy right now, since we’re probably going to have these problems for a long long time.”
Then we had a beautiful conversation about people like Toi Derricotte, Audre Lorde, and adrienne maree brown and how to follow their teachings. We left that conversation talking about ways we could add more joy and play to our community. Our children are so wise, and we can learn so much from them.
5. Practice Community Care
Make a meal for a neighbor who is sick or overwhelmed. Invite another family over for dinner. Share garden vegetables or pass down hand-me-downs. Acts of generosity ripple outward, strengthening the web of connection our children will grow up knowing they are part of.
Last month, we set it up so that my partner watched any kiddos whose parents wanted to attend a protest, and I was able to accompany the parents who wanted to check it out.
6. Show Up and Speak Up
Bring your children with you when you attend a city council or school board meeting. Or call your lawmakers while they’re in the car with you. (In fact, I can make most of my phone calls in the 4 minute drive to school in the mornings:). Let them watch you raise your voice. And then explain afterward why it matters that community members participate in decisions that affect everyone. Advocacy becomes less intimidating when it’s normalized as part of family life.
The simplest way to do this is to use 5 calls. It even has short scripts, and will connect you directly to your lawmaker without needing to even dial the number.
7. Keep Questioning Authority
I’ll admit, this one is HARD, because I’d really like to just say to my kiddos, “Because I’m in charge!” (Let’s be honest, I do sometimes:). But truthfully, raising children who don’t automatically accept authority, who learn to question when things don’t feel fair, or share their dissent about a decision that was made, is a powerful way to literally raise the resistance. This is tricky, not only because it requires us to have actual reasons for the decisions we make (thank you PDAer who really drives this point home), but also because it requires modeling. It requires us to speak up when we see a rule that isn’t fair, or when leaders don’t act in the best interest of the people. Teach your kids that respect doesn’t mean obedience—that true respect includes speaking up for justice. (In fact, I just learned that the latin root of the word respect is respecere, meaning “to look again.” It involves a bi-directional relationship whereby we’re willing “to look again.”
Living the Both/And
Yes, the world feels heavy. Yes, we are afraid. And also yes—our children need to see us keep showing up, keep loving, keep working toward a better tomorrow, and keep being real with them in the meantime. When we participate in mutual aid, share a meal, tell a story, or attend a community meeting, we are teaching our kids:
Even when systems fail us, we still have each other.
Even when leaders disappoint us, we can lead with courage.
Even when the world feels frightening, we can make choices rooted in love.
Every small act matters. Every bedtime story, every shared meal, every hard conversation is a seed, especially right now. And one day, these seeds will grow into a generation of young people who know how to resist despair, question injustice, and build communities where everyone belongs. Keep going - you’re doing great.
An Offering for my Local Denver Community
One of the things we’ve done recently is started the local Commerce City chapter of Indivisible. We are hosting our first community gathering in Commerce City on the next No Kings Day of Action, October 18th. If you are looking for an event to bring your kiddos to and experience storytelling, food, games, education, and community, please join us. ALL ARE WELCOME, and the flyer is below:
